I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
