Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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