i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
