I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
