Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
