Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
