My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
