I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
