and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
