I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
