Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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