I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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