we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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