Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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