K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
