i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
