Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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