There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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