Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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