Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
