Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
