ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
