Welp...herpes.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
