2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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