I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
