They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
