if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
