So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
