got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
