White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
