so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
