y did u give ur computer a hand job?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
