we have pet lesbian snakes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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