You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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