I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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