got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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