Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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