Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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