It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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