Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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