ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
