So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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