He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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