We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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