My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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