Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize