i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
