she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
