Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
