And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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