Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
