Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
