Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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