I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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