and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
