I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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