I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
