Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize