You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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