I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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